How to answer your children’s questions about divorce and separation.

How do you address their fears in age-appropriate ways?

Toddlers will be particularly sensitive to change in their routines, so make every effort to try and maintain consistency between two homes.

• Toddlers may display changes in eating, sleeping and toilet habits.

• Increased crying, temper tantrums, sulkiness, hitting and withdrawal.

• Include similar times for eating and sleeping.

• Understand there will be an adjustment period after time spent with the other parent.

Children between 5-10 may display sadness, hopelessness, and yearning for the absent parent. At this age, it is not unusual for the child to wish or fantasize that the parents will reconcile.

• Children may feel loyalty conflicts between the parents.

• Lack of interest, poor concentration, and problems with impulse control.

• They may feel symptoms of physical illness.

• Try to provide reassurance that she/he is loved and will be cared for.

• Avoid confiding in or burdening the child with adult concerns such as child support.

• Understand there will be an adjustment period after time spent with the other parent.

Pre-teens & Teens may be concerned about how the other parent is doing, particularly if one parent has moved out of the family home. Given their development state, their primary concern is likely to be themselves. Reassure the teen their life will go on. Proms, friends, and college visits will go on as planned. Reassure them that the other parent is taking good care of themselves and he/she would be happy to answer any questions they have directly. Give the other parent a heads-up to prepare.

• Pre-teens may have intense anger, often directed at the parent he/she thinks wants the divorce.

• They may have a shaken sense of identity and a profound sense of loss.

• Loyalty conflicts resulting in distancing from both parents.

• Intensification of the normal risk-taking and rebellion of adolescence.

• Worry about being loved and loveable.

• Restore the child’s belief in a moral and stable world.

• Encourage the child to love both parents.

• Provide support, encouragement, and a forum for self-expression.